See Terry's blog post about (re)writing "Awaiting the Podiatrist."

Terry Baum & Carolyn Myers

​​​​Lilith Theater San Francisco

SOLO PLAYS

WAITING FOR THE PODIATRIST
A one-woman comedy with two hand puppets and five songs.  Minimal set.  90 minutes.  A middle-aged lesbian with a deathly ill father and a terminally irritated mother are all trapped in the nightmare funhouse known as Modern Medicine.  While father lies comatose, Mother (a hand puppet) and Daughter (the actress) debate whether to pull the plug on their beloved patriarch.  And if they don’t, where can they find someone to cut his gigantic toenails?  Premiered in San Francisco in February 2003.  Was “Critic’s Pick” of San Francisco Chronicle.



IMMEDIATE FAMIILY
A one-woman drama.  Minimal set.  75 minutes.  Virginia, a middle-aged postal worker, visits her comatose lover, Rose, in the hospital.  The tender and often hilarious one-sided conversation reveals the women's long-term intimacy, their lives outside "normal" society, and the legal barriers which deny Virginia status as a member of Rose's "immediate family."  The spiraling narrative follows Virginia's movement from meek acceptance of hospital rules toward a decision to unplug the respirator that sustains Rose in her coma.  Opened at National Womens' Theater Festival in 1983.  Since publication in Places, Please, many productions in the U.S., Canada, Europe, Australia and New Zealand.  Translated into French and Dutch.


ONE FOOL
​or HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE DUTCH.
 
 
​A one-woman farce.  Minimal set.  75 minutes.  A ferociously comic exploration of sex and intimacy among lesbians.  A naive American dyke confuses Great Sex with True Love and moves to Holland for a charming Dutch lesbian.  Romance is a predictable disaster, but the Fool is consoled by the magical city of Amsterdam.  A lustful coat rack and a sadomasochistic teddy bear share the stage with the Fool.  Opened in Amsterdam in 1987, toured Europe, the U.S. and Israel.   Chosen one of the 10 best plays of 1988 by the S.F. Bay Guardian.  Published in Tough Acts to Follow, 1993.



EGO TRIP
or I'M GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER AND DUMPING IT ALL ON YOU
   
A one-woman play with eight characters.  Minimal set.   75 minutes.  One actress plays women both invented and observed by the playwright, including a secretary obsessed with stealing office supplies, a young lesbian recalling her tortured coming-out process, and a 5,000 year old virgin with a unique understanding of the war between the sexes.  Premiered in San Francisco (1981) and toured the Midwest (1984).



PLAYS FOR TWO OR MORE


DOS LESBOS(written with Carolyn Meyers)
A cabaret-style comedy with music.  Two women plus musical accompaniment.  Minimal set.  90 minutes.  Two dykes (one newly "out," the other an old hand) contemplate coming out at work, coming out to parents, and coming out of their own internalized homophobia.  They sing, dance, and romp their way through an examination of man-hating, lesbian identity and the knotty problems of their sex life.  Written with Carolyn Myers.  Opened in San Francisco in 1980; produced all over the U.S. and Canada, Sweden, Belgium, Italy and Australia since publication in Places, Please (1985), the first anthology of plays by lesbians.  Translated into Swedish, Italian and Dutch. 



TWO FOOLS

A romantic comedy.  Two women.  Modular set that serves for many locations.  90 minutes.    Gracie, an American, and Luna, a Costa Rican, try to find a place to live together -- a place in each others' hearts and a literal place free from fear of deportation and harassment.  This is an erotic lesbian journey from Amsterdam to San Francisco, a serious play about immigration, racism and gay marriage, and a witty romance between two complex and believable grown-ups.  Produced in San Francisco (1996, 2004) and New York (1998, 1999).  Published in Intimate Acts  (1997).  Finalist for the Jane Chambers Playwriting Award (1996).



ENID'S FLY TRAP

A realistic comedy-drama.  Nine women.  Realistic bar setting.  Two hours.  A nostalgic view of  an old-fashioned dyke bar.  It's Enid's place, it's her 60th birthday, but with business going down the tubes, the drinks are no longer on the house.  The regulars (aka the Buddies) arrive, an old flame drops by, and a mysterious and beautiful stranger eyes the proceedings.  Activities include killing flies to feed the plant that is the bar's mascot, conjuring up an old singing group called the Pussies, and holding a lesbian revival meeting.   The Buddies desperately try to figure out who stole Carla's wallet and how to keep Enid's Fly Trap alive in this age of AA sobriety and upscale yuppie dykes.  Won the Restless Pens Playwriting Contest (1994) and was semifinalist for the Jane Chambers Playwriting Award (1993).



DIVIDE THE LIVING CHILD

A realistic drama.  Five women.  Realistic 1940's kitchen set.  Two hours.  Takes place in Amsterdam during the Nazi Occupation.  Torrie van Toom, a kindly Christian spinster, has agreed to take a Jewish child into her home.  But Hannah Bergman, a spirited adolescent, arrives accompanied by her mother, Miriam, who has nowhere else to go.   Torrie's hopes for Hannah's conversion to Christianity clash with Miriam's deep devotion to Judaism.  Hannah is torn between the two women, as she tries to find her way in her new life. Meanwhile, a nosy neighbor seeks to discover the truth of Hannah’s origins. A finalist for the Jane Chambers Playwriting Award (1995); received a staged reading at the Ashland New Plays Festival (1996), Aurora Theater (Berkeley 2002) and Jewish Ensemble Theater (Detroit 2002).  The first full production by Ashland University in Ohio.


WOMEN IN LINE

An absurdist one-act play.  Four women.  Minimal set.  30 minutes.  A shy young woman and a timid grandmother waiting in line find they're both filled with rage against men.They fall in love and plot to kill a man, which a third woman tries unsuccessfully to prevent.  Produced by Love Creek Theater (New York City 1991) and a battered womens' shelter (Ashland, Ore. 1985).


SACRIFICES, A FABLE ABOUT THE WOMEN'S MOVEMENT

Folk tale with song and dance.  Eight to 15 women.  Minimal set.  Two hours.  The village of Shebo keeps its women under control by offering their most rebellious female in a yearly sacrifice to the ferocious dragon lurking in the woods.  Lilith, the latest "offering," discovers that the dragon is a myth and that a society of uppity women lives secretly in the forest.  Lilith wants to return with this liberating knowledge to Shebo, but the woodswomen fear an end to their happy life.  Written with Carolyn Myers, Michele Linfante & Renais Winter.  Premiered in San Francisco (1978), produced in Kansas City, Fayetteville, Arkansas and Austin, Texas.



MEMORIES OF LESBOS AND YOU

One-act romantic comedy.  Two women.  Minimal set.  25 minutes.  Luna and Gracie are madly in love and totally incompatible.  So they flee to the island of Lesbos, to laugh and love and fight – for as long as they can hold out and hold onto each other.  Published in Harrington Lesbian Literary Quarterly (2002).  Produced in Pittsburgh, PA in 2001. 


WAITING FOR THE PODIATRIST

This solo play with puppets can also be done with three actors.  See description under Solo Plays.

 

BRIDE OF LESBOSTEIN

One-act farce.  Three women.  Creative, wacky set.  A lesbian version of the Frankenstein myth.  Mad scientist Dr. Gertrude Lesbostein has never found a woman good enough for her.  So she endeavors to give herself the Perfect Bride by creating a mate with  DNA from her 34 ex-girlfriends.  She is aided in her fiendish designs by the slavishly adoring Igorina.  But when the Bride actually comes to life.... Who will she choose?

PRICES:
EMAIL:  ALL SCRIPTS $3.00 (SENT AS ATTACHMENTS)
REGULAR MAIL:  ALL SCRIPTS $7.00, $8.50 OUTSIDE U.S